Thursday, March 14, 2013

The release

My Beloved,

I am so truly blessed. I have a home, clothes on my back, food in my belly and am surrounded with group of amazing women that God has blessed me to serve with in the area of ministry he has called us all to. This group of women loves me and supports me. They may not always "get me", but they love me nonetheless.

I have been reviewing my notes from some of my previous studies and they were not easy lessons. Then again, when you are working through life issues that help you to understand why you have made some of the choices that were not in your best interest, you truly start to gain understanding.

I am the midst of reading so much material that God has brought before me. You can see some of them listed on the main page of the blog. God is really pressing in on me to deal with my "stuff". I feel like he has me in a wine press, and just when I think I can't let go of any more tears, he has me work on another area of my life, to discover another layer of junk to be removed and then he "presses" in again so I can let go of that pain.

I just posted probably one of the most difficult and taxing things I have written in my life. It was almost as emotionally draining yet rewarding as "my story"  that my Pastor had asked me for a sermon series he was doing at my home church. I also shared a post on the  Living Proof Live that shared this current journey I am sharing with each of you. (when I last checked it was comment #7 from the top of page 3).

It has been a huge release in my spirit the more I "Let Go" of my husband and Let God work things out. He is providing for my physical, mental and emotional needs.  GOD is amazing and I am so blessed to be his child.


THE ABOVE POST IS ONE THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN DRAFT MODE FOR AWHILE


I had previously thought things were working out........but God is helping me to see more and more the truth of all things in my life. I am thankful to those who I know will still be here

Monday, December 13, 2010

Hello again

Hello again my beloved,

I know it has been awhile since my last posting and I am not sure what has happened with other authors I have invited to be a part of this blog but that is okay. I am back after some spiritual insights that I truly believe will help us all.

I had to take some time off to gain some perspective. I must tell you, it was one of the best things I could have done, not only for myself but my entire family as well. Things here are marginally better. While there are some things I would still like to see happen in my own life, I am very much aware as to how many others are out there and hurting because of the negligence of church leadership failing to reach out to lost sheep and bring them back into the fold.

I have had some approach me about changing the name of the blog so it is more appealing to men as well. I appreciate the feedback but I must stick with what God originally spoke into my spirit. I also cannot speak as to what men go through when their wives have lost their way. I can only speak about my perspective and what I observe around me.

Satan is after the Christian household more than ever these days. While he generally goes after the men as they are the "Spiritual Leaders", more often than not, I have seen where the men are weak in their faith, Satan goes after the households of strong women who often have ministries they are involved with thinking, and more than likely hoping that by "distracting" these women with the marital issues, it will take them away from the callings they are dedicated to that God placed before them.

This being said, I ask you to pray for my family and I as we are going through a particularly tough season in our lives right now and many decisions are needing to be made.

I just wanted to make a quick post and let you all know I am back and will be back to doing regular posting again. I made a promise to God when I recommitted my life to him that nobody and NOTHING would ever take me out of his will ever again. This is a promise I intend to keep and I pray that each of you will hold me accountable to it with your prayers. I have missed you all so very much and know you are in my prayers daily.

With love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki

Friday, October 22, 2010

Hello Friends

Hello Friends,

I am one of the women who Akuas Keiki has graciously offered to allowed to contribute based on my own journey as a Spiritual Widow. Due to the recent circumstances in her home, she has asked each of us who are contributing to only sign each post under TSW- and our first initial so as to not be identifying to any one individual.

Please know that this was not an easy decision for her as it was truly healing for her but she must do what is best for her family at this time. She is hurting greatly and needs our love and prayers, and God's grace and compassion.

I will do my best to be as open as she has been but it may not always be easy. God has given her such a compassionate and loving heart towards the hurting and lonely. She wants to be obedient to God in all areas of her life.

I am sure some of the ladies will also make their own posts, but for now I just wanted to say hello and ask you to please be praying for Akuas Keiki.

TSW-M

Leave of Absence for a time

My Beloved,

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am finding that I will have to take leave of the blog post to deal with issues that have arisen in my home.

I will miss you all greatly however, I know that I am leaving you in the very capable hands of other contributors to our time together. I pray that you will understand and pray for me as I go through this time. Etcetera will continue to make their posts and then various other authorized posters will be posting under The Spiritual Widow.

This is not just about my journey, but also about the journey of other women who have dealt with and are currently dealing with similar situations.

I earnestly pray that God will give me guidance and direction as to how continue on this journey with you as I pray it has been as healing for you as it has been for me so far. I may not know you personally, but I am here and praying for you and loving on you.

I will be checking in from time to time to see how things are going or how people may be posting in response. If you need to get in touch with me for any reason, please be sure to fill out the form on the main blog page and I am one of the ladies who has access will get in touch with me to let me know.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stages of Grief and Righteous Anger

My Beloved,


As I have prayed for ways to discuss our grief and the righteousness of our anger about our situations, I decided to do some research. Many within the body of Christ  may not want to accept or recognize it, but for many Spiritual Widows, it is truly like a death. Our Spouse becomes spiritually dead and not someone we can recognize.Most of what I found pertained to physical death, but they can apply in our situation as well.


*Denial: "This can't be happening to me."
 *Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"
 *Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."
 *Depression: "I'm too sad to do anything."
 *Acceptance: "I'm at peace with what happened."


If you are experiencing any of these emotions following your "loss" ( be it from the change in your relationship, or the removal of your spouse by their choosing"), it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages - and that's okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won't experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry about what you "should" be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.




Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain "rights' no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.



GRIEF and OUR RIGHTS:
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.


2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.


3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey.
Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.


4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.


5. You have the right to experience "griefbursts".Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.


6. You have the right to make use of routine. The getting back to routine does more than acknowledge the "Spiritual death" of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring
people. More importantly, the "normal routine" is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the "returning to normal" or other healing habits you may take up such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.


7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical
of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.


8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking "Why did he or she choose to do this? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like
"It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.


9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the Spiritual death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.


10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with
yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the Spiritual death of someone loved changes life forever as long as they are lost in the wilderness.




RIGHTEOUS ANGER:
 I grew up believing anger was a "bad" emotion. So I've needed several years of Christian counseling even to admit I get angry, much less to learn I can express those feelings righteously! Thankfully, God's Word sets clear parameters for getting peeved.
What does God say about this? The bad news for hotheads is that Scripture contains many more verses warning believers against blowing their cool than verses advocating such behavior. The writer of Proverbs connects anger with foolishness: "Fools quickly show that they are upset, but the wise ignore insults" (Proverbs 12:16, NCV). And the apostle Paul recommends letting our heavenly Father fight our battles: "My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: 'I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:19, NCV).
Sometimes, however, God allows his people to fuss and remain faithful. Such is the case when King David furrows his brow and huffs:
God, I wish you would kill the wicked!
Get away from me, you murderers!
They say evil things about you.
Your enemies use your name thoughtlessly.
Lord, I hate those who hate you;
I hate those who rise up against you.
I feel only hate for them;
they are my enemies (Psalm 139:19–22, NCV).
Or when Nehemiah gets upset after learning about the wealthy Israelites' exploitation of the poor: "Then I was very angry when I had heard … these words" (Nehemiah 5:6, NASB).
What's noteworthy in these situations is that David called down curses on sworn enemies of God, and Nehemiah directed his irritation at the "haves" repressing the "have-nots." Both men were angry because of ungodly people or activities.
And Jesus expressed anger—at the Pharisees who exhibited such hard hearts (Mark 3:1-5) and at the crass commercialism that sullied the temple (Matthew 21:12-13Luke 19:45-48)—to convey extreme displeasure over sin. Those reasons are the key to righteous anger.
How does this affect me? As Christ-followers, we're totally appropriate getting upset over sin, too. Evils such as abuse, racism, pornography, and child sex trafficking should incense us.
But no matter how reprehensible the people or activities we're condemning, we still aren't justified to sin in our responses: "When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day" (Ephesians 4:26, NCV). Those of us with confrontational personalities might want to ask ourselves the question, Is my motive to be right or to be righteous? before ripping into the offending parties.
Such considerations also help us be pokey in getting peeved: "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:19–20, ESV). Instead of replying immediately, simply counting to ten before reacting usually leads to much better results in a contentious situation.
Then after we take offense, we should take redemptive action. Christians must get involved with organizations working to free children from slavery and volunteer at shelters working to protect battered women. We must lead the charge against hatred and oppression and cruelty!
Ultimately, if our outrage results in restoring people into loving, healing relationships with Jesus, it's righteous anger.


You have my prayers. 


Love and Christ always,
Akuas Keiki

No Mended Heart

There is such a big part of me that wants to hate you so much. Yet, there is a bigger part of me that cares about you too much. What is this feeling? I can't stand it, nothing makes sense any more. I want you to hold me and hold me close. I try to get your attention but you never seem to notice. I felt as if I needed your affections, to hear you say soothing words that things would be okay whispered in my ear.

So many times I wanted to shout to you and say, "Please stay with me! Don't leave my side: I can't stand to be without you! I need you by my side.....Please"

Then there is that part of me that cries, "Go, leave me. I can't stand you!" It's not you personally, but what you do! You drive me to the point of insanity! Why? Why do I care so much for you?! yet I just smile at you, and cry to myself late in the night.

Maybe it's your smile that draws me in, the smile that I could once trust. Perhaps it's the arms that I once thought could bring safety that I long to be held in again. Perhaps it's your charming personality that you display in front of most people?

No.

No, I know what it is. It's just you- because your personality is ever changing. I can't tell if I care about you or not. This is why it hurts. This is why my heart can never be mended.


Etcetera

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The release

My Beloved,


I am so truly blessed. I have a home, clothes on my back, food in my belly and am surrounded with a church family that loves me and supports me. They may not always "get me", but they love me nonetheless.


I went to my Chicken Soup study last week and it was not an easy lesson. Then again, when you are working through life issues that help you to understand why you have made some of the choices that were not in your best interest, you truly start to gain understanding. 


I am the midst of reading so much material that God has brought before me. You can see some of them listed on the main page of the blog (Good Reads). God is really pressing in on me to deal with my "stuff". I feel like he has me in a wine press, and just when I think I can't let go of any more tears, he has me work on another area of my life, to discover another layer of junk to be removed and then he "presses" in again so I can let go of that pain.


I just posted probably one of the most difficult and taxing things I have written in my life. It was almost as emotionally draining yet rewarding as "my story"  that my Pastor had asked me for a sermon series he was doing at my home church. I also shared a post on the  Living Proof Live that shared this current journey I am sharing with each of you. (when I last checked it was comment #7 from the top of page 3). 


It has been a huge release in my spirit the more I "Let Go" of my husband and Let God work things out. He is providing for my physical, mental and emotional needs.  GOD is amazing and I am so blessed to be his child.


Do not be afraid to LET GO and LET GOD. He can do amazing things. Just trust him.


You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki