Thursday, September 23, 2010

My experiences as a Spiritual Orphan & Widow

Some may say that my calling myself a Spiritual Orphan or even a Spiritual Widow are not appropriate.


Here are some definitions to clarify my standing:


WIDOW:
a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried.
to deprive of anything cherished or needed
a woman often left alone because her husband devotes hisfree time to a hobby or sport (used in combination - golf widow)
a woman left alone because her husband devotes his free time to things that are not of God (Spiritual Widow)


ORPHAN:
a child who has lost both parents through death, or, less commonly, one parent.
a young animal that has been deserted by or has lost its mother
a person or thing that is without protective affiliation,sponsorship, etc.:
bereft (deprived:) of parents




My experiences as a Spiritual Orphan:



  • I grew up with a parent who was so focused on making sure my other parent was denied any access to me or the opportunity to be a part of my life, that they failed in showing me any sort of love,compassion, care or concern unless it was in front of others to make themselves look good
  • I grew up with a mother who was so focused on her hate that she didn't show me true and genuine love. She attempted to fill my head with lies.When I rebelled against those lies, I was beaten for it severely and sometimes denied basic needs to include a medicine that was vital to my overall health due to a congenital birth defect.
  • I grew up with someone who tried to be a father figure to me, but whenever he would come to my defense, he was quickly put in his place by my mother who controlled every aspect of every relationship around her, even if it was not her relationship to control
  • I was never really given a foundation about the truth of God's grace and love for us because it meant my mother would have to be stable in a church congregation, which would expose people to who she really was after any amount of time and then I would  have people who would want to protect me- this she could not and would not allow
  • Due to lack of contact and unresolved issues with my biological mother, my dad never really embraced the idea of going to church or developing a relationship with Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

My experiences as a Spiritual widow:

  • I married someone who was my best friend in life but not in faith
  • I married someone who was angry with God for the things that had happened in childhood and would not allow me to take our children to church
  • The marriage I had to my best friend fell apart and that caused me to doubt God
  • I was mistreated in 3 different church congregations after my divorce and it was implied that it was my fault for not being a Proverbs 31 woman
  • I was told I would never be good enough for any man to love, much less want to marry me (and I believed it)
  • I was told that I was not fulfilling my roles as a proper PV31 if I did not do things in accordance to what others thought I should be doing
  • I was led to believe that if I didn't act, say or do all the right things, that I would go to hell for not serving God by not being in servitude and submission to my spouse
  • I was misled in additional relationships that caused me to make choices that were not in accordance with God's will for my life
  • I avoided acknowledgement of God in any part of my life because I felt I couldn't trust men, which meant I couldn't trust God
  • I allowed myself to believe I had to put up with things that I shouldn't have to if I was ever going to be considered an acceptable subsequent wife as I failed the first time around
  • I found myself giving other women advise about their "Spiritually abusive" relationships without realizing I was also talking about my own relationship.
  • I found myself stuck in a rut that I couldn't find a way out of without subjecting myself to further abuse but knowing there was only one way out and that was sacrificing the children in the home who had become Spiritual Orphans

There is a lot more I could list here, however, I think this is enough to give a background and reasons as I why I know the experiences all too well that some of you currently walk. This is why I feel the title "Spiritual Widow" or "Spiritual Orphan" is an accurate description for those women and children within the body of  Christ who have been abandoned by their spouses, and parents who do not fulfill the roles they were given by God.

You have my prayers. 

Love in Christ always,
AkuasKeiki



















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