Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Solace and Pain

I don't know how some of the other Spiritual Widows feel and I wanted to get something posted that truly expressed the depth of my hurt and raw emotion today.


I googled solace and pain and found some lyrics by Matt Nathanson. 


These lyrics are from his song Lie

They hit the nail on the head in so many areas of my life. I know God can and does heal our hurts, but sometimes we need to have an outlet to express them. This is my outlet for today:


I don't feel much like talking to you tonight
I'd rather not let you twist my words around again until they
give you something to feel
I would rather keep my distance, thank you very much
What do you want? Do you want my apologies?
Do you want me to tell you I'm wrong? Because I won't
I won t feed your melodrama and I won t be a part of your game
But thank you very much
Please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine
You can call me your friend if that s the kind of security that you need
We all look for it in different ways
Just don't persecute me, thank you very much
Please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine
don't you see that I will be all that you want me to be
don't you see that I will be all that you envisioned me to be
But I refuse to be raped
Until I confess all that you want me to hear
Then consoled and told that it will be alright
Because it s not all right, I don't have the energy and I don't
have the strength 
To take on your emotional weight
So please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine

Monday, September 27, 2010

A grieving daughter

I am posting this for Etcetera and any other Spiritual Orphans that may be out there reading this blog. May it bring healing upon your heart.


This poem is to give every hurting little girl, confirmation that no matter what you've been told or have been through your heavenly FATHER will always love you.

A Grieving Daughter

© Ebony Angel B.
She told her daughter she hated her and wished she was never born.
She didn't even seem to care that the child's heart was torn.
She blamed child for all of her heartache and pain.
Did she realize emotional abuse, can drive a child insane.
She said her child was the reason she never achieved her dreams.
Those words hurt her child more, than to her they may have seemed.
All her daughter wanted was her love and her affection.
But all she ever got was her mothers constant rejection.
Feeling like a lost child with no one to love.
She prayed to be taken away to the heavens above.
Not knowing why she just wasn't good enough.
Why when she needed gentleness she was treated so rough.
Wondering why her existence caused her mother so much pain.
Longing for her mother's love, she probably would never gain.
Wanting her mother to tell her she was a blessing.
That she was not the reason for her mother's stressing.
If there is a little girl out there that feels this way.
Just know you are one of GOD's Angels, and he loves you more each day.


Source: A Grieving Daughter, Abandonment Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=21908#ixzz10koDPt00

A challenge to the men in the body of Christ

"Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless."- Exodus 22:22-24 NIV


This is a challenge for the men in the body of Christ.


We, Spiritual widows and orphans, need you to become active in helping the widows and orphans in the community. 




"Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
 to look after widows and orphans in distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world".
 James 1:27 NIV

 We need you, men in the body of Christ to reach out to the single women, the single mothers, elderly, lost and broken, within our church, our neighborhood and our community. We need you to reach out to those who need assistance around the house, around the yard, fixing things, encouraging, listening, etc. All we need you to do is offer. 



We need you to put down the TV remote, stop watching so many sporting events, stop playing so many online games and get busy. You don't need to be organized, just willing to help and serve. If you find other men willing to help,  then go before you church and offer your services to the congregation. Just get started. Your heart, your compassion, your generosity and your service to the Lord is needed. Your help to the widowed and fatherless is called for.



You have my prayers. 


Love in Christ Always,
Akuas Keiki


Widows Prayer of Encouragement

"Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for your Word! It is alive and full of power! it is active, operative, energizing and effective! It goes to the deepest part of my nature (Hebrew 4:12) It does not return to You void, but will accomplish that which you please and purpose ( Isaiah 55:11)
Lord, you actively watch over your Word to perform it (Jeremiah 1:12) 
You have given your angels special charge over me to keep me in all ways (Psalm 91:11) I thank you Lord that your angels harken to the voice of your Word on my lips (Psalm 103: 20-21) to do your pleasure!
Father, according to your Word, I cry out in travail and break into singing for new birth! I first cry out to you in surrender of my life. I recognize my need and choose Jesus Christ as Lord and God over me and trust Him with all of my life. Fill me with your Holy Spirit! Then as a God-filled widow, I will abound in spiritual children! My territory is enlarged as I spread abroad to the right hand and to the left to possess the nations (Isaiah 54:1,3)
I thank you Lord, that you establish the borders, boundaries (or territory) of the widow and you keep them secure ( Proverb 15:25) Thank you for the harvest of souls reserved for the widow (Ruth 2, Deuteronomy 24:19)
Your Word says that you certainly hear the cry or prayer of the widow (Exodus 22:22-24) I cry out for souls! I put a border around my family,my church, my nation and claim them for Christ! I choose not to fear, neither to be confounded nor depressed. I forget the shame of my youth, and I remember no more the reproach of my widowhood; for you Oh Lord, are my Maker and my Husband (Isaiah 54:5-6)!
Jesus, I receive what you have provided according to Isaiah 61:1-4 and Luke 4:18-19. You have bound up my broken heart and set me free. You have comforted me and poured on me the oil of gladness turning my mourning into joy. Favor goes before me. You have planted me as an oak of righteousness and are rebuilding the desolate places of my life. I forgive everyone who has hurt me and ask you to work in their lives, thus releasing me as well.
You defend the cause of the widow and call others to plead my case (Deuteronomy 10:18, Psalm 68:4-5, Isaiah 1:17)! I trust you with every concern of my life. You sustain the widow, which means to heal, fortify and bolster. I take my position in you and accept my calling and Holy Assignment. (Ephesians 1)
I thank you for the Godly leaders you have placed over me, and that as I submit to them, they keep watch over my soul and guard my spiritual welfare (Hebrew 13:17) I established a widow's border around these leaders claiming protection over them and their families. I call in finances for them and declare their needs are met in Jesus' name! Thank you,that your thoughts and plans are for my welfare and peace, and not for evil; but to give me a hope in my final outcome. I praise you Lord, that when I called upon you,  you heard me; and when I searched for you with all of my heart, I found you. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
I give you praise that nothing can separate me from your Love.( Romans 8:35)!



Spiritual Orphans and how they come to be so

Due to the social depravity of our nation, I am only going to discuss situations that I know of at this time which occur within the body of Christ. I do recognize that there are tons of situations outside the body of Christ which lead to Spiritual Orphans. At this time, my focus is on addressing the situations within the body of Christ that leave Children trying to learn and grow in God while being abandoned physically, mentally, emotionally and eventually Spiritually.



  • when parents are spiritually sick, or otherwise comprimised. 
  • When the child becomes the caregiver, 
  • when the parent becomes the rebellious child with illness.
  • when the child must acknowledge the lack of presence of one or both parents in their life due to physical, mental, emotional, financial or spiritual abandonment
  • When children who had parents setting the example for them when they were younger, but parents abandon their faith and their walk as they (the children)get older
  • When parents decide that they want their will in their lives and do not care about God's will, thereby setting a sad example of worldly selfishness and not that of serving God.
  • Children in nasty custody situations in which Parental Alienation or Hostile Aggressive Parenting takes place- please note, it is my opinion and the opinion of many others that Parental Alienation IS child abuse as it is spiritual abuse.It places priority and desires of the Alienating Parent above the needs of the child,and they attempt to make themselves an idol before the child which also violates the 1st, 2nd and 5th commandments.
  • Children who have been abandoned by a parent that have left them physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually to the world without someone to "train up a child in the way they should go"

God's word is very clear on the role of parents and their responsibilities to their children:

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."[a] 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
 21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:20-21


 9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. 10 Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children." Deuteronomy 4: 9-10


 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9


28 Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the LORD your God.Deuteronomy 12:28




By the scriptures listed above, it is very clear to see how God gives parents the role and responsibility of teaching them right from wrong and teaching them about God and living according to his word. When parents fail to do this whether be due to lack of faith, choosing to leave the faith or any multitude of situations, they are not fulfilling the role that God gave them when he provided them the blessing of being parents.


Physical and Sexual Child abuse are also very harmful to a child as it tells the child that the parent does not care for them but for their own wants and desires in the flesh. The physical abuse tells the children that the parent does not love them enough to control their anger. Sexual abuse tells the child that the parent cares only about their fleshly desires.


We must come together as a nation and start praying for our children, for they are our future and if We, the body of Christ, do not start looking out for and praying for our children now, Our nation will surely be lost.


I wanted to share a poem I have always enjoyed.



By MARIAN WRIGHT EDELMAN
We pray for children
Who sneak popsicles before supper,
Who erase holes in math workbooks,
Who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those
Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
Who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
Who never “counted potatoes,”
Who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children
Who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.
And we pray for those
Who never get dessert,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who can’t find any bread to steal,
Who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
Whose monsters are real.

We pray for children
Who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
Who like ghost stories,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub,
Who get visits from the tooth fairy,
Who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
Who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those
Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
Who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must,
For those we never give up on and for those who don’t get a second chance.
For those we smother … and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

Please offer your hands to them so that no child is left behind because we did not act.


Let us pray for our children on a daily basis and share a prayer together:


Father God, 


We know we are fallible due to our human nature. We recognize that we would not be able to raise our children up to serve and honor you without your guidance and wisdom in our lives.At this time we lift up our children and the children of this nation, and all over the world. We pray,that each child would have a saving faith and and a growing faith in you. We pray that they will be strong and healthy in mind, body and spirit. A sense of destiny and purpose in accordance with your will for their lives. A desire for integrity and a call to excellence. To understand the ministry that you, God,have for them in their lives. We ask that you remind us to always set aside times to spend with them. We pray that they may acquire biblical wisdom that comes from knowing you and having a personal relationship with you. We ask that you may protect them from drugs, alcohol and premarital sex. We pray that the mate you have chosen for them will have a strong walk and close relationship with you so that they may not be unequally yoked. We pray that all they do may edify and glorify you. We ask that you also give them a forgiving heart and understanding that we, as parents will make mistakes and even when we are too prideful to apologize to them when we are wrong, they may love us as you love us and know in our hearts that we did not mean intentional hurt upon them. We ask that you always be present in their lives, for there will come a time when they will leave  home and we won't be in there daily steps, but you will be. We ask that they may know they can always come to you at any time and that your lap is a very safe and comfortable place to be when things are not going well and even more amazing place when things are right in their life. We ask this humbly in the name of thy son, our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ. AMEN.




You are in my prayers. 




Love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki









Sunday, September 26, 2010

Situations that create a Spiritual Widow

Since I am a woman, I am typing things from a woman's perspective but want the men out there who deal with this to know I am here for you and recognize your hurts. I also recognize that some men may be Spiritual Widows. For men, it is often much more difficult to be a Spiritual Widow because they are supposed to be the Spiritual Leaders in the home, so it is automatically assumed that they did not fulfill their role.


There are so many different and complex situations that may cause a woman of faith to become a Spiritual Widow, that it would be rather exhausting to list them all. For that reason, I am going to list the ones that I know of personally or have heard about most commonly.




  • A spouse that is co-dependent on his wife that he often acts like a child, having to be told to do things he should already know how to do, but must be reminding on a regular basis in order for them to be accomplished in a timely manner. Often times, these are things that the wife cannot do for the husband as these are things only the husband can do (calling and enrolling the family in benefits through his employer, making his own medical appointments, etc)
  • A spouse who has habitual sin (drugs, alcohol or sexual addictions) and does not seek help for the sin bringing about shame upon the family.
  • A spouse who is physically, mentally, verbally, or emotionally abusive therefore rendering themselves as Spiritual Abusers
  • A spouse who may have lost their fath, no longer reads their bible, does not attend church, speaks and acts in mannerisms that are in conflict with the faith they claim to have, and treats his family differently in public than they do behind closed doors
  • A single woman who has had a spouse or partner to leave her the full and total responsibility of raising any children they may have together, whether it is biological or through marriage
  • A single woman who has had to leave an abusive relationship and now finds herself doing all she can to raise her children up right with no true support structure due to being ostracized within the church.
There is a multitude of other situations that create Spiritual Widows for men and women alike.

While writing this, God spoke into my spirit as to some situations that men may deal with that I would like to share:

  • Men may experience being a Spiritual Widow by being married to a woman who has a sexual addiction due to unresolved childhood sexual abuse issues, thereby committing adultery on a consistent basis
  • Men who may be married to someone who was previously abused and and the women don't want to repeat that situation in their lives, and have difficulty coming under biblical submission to their husband as to the Lord
  • Men may be a Spiritual Widow by a wife that has left them to live an alternative lifestyle because she has been subjected to psychotropic drugs and counselors/therapists who convinced them it was ok to try it out to see if they like it.
  • While there may be more situations for men, these are the ones I know about and heard of. If any of you men would like me to post and share other experiences that have left you feeling like a Spiritual Widow as a man in the body of Christ, please email me and make the subject line Male Spiritual Widows
God bless each and every one of you for taking the time to read this. I have given this over to God and promised to be completely open and honest. I am willing to share my hurts that anyone who may be touched by this might be helped in knowing they are not alone.  

You are in my prayers.

Love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Additional Authors

Hello Everyone,

I decided to allow a few other people be authors of this blog to give input from their perspective

First one is Etcetera and here is her introduction.

My name is Etcetera and Akuas Keiki has invited me to get some input based on my experiences.

I look forward to sharing my faith and experiences as a Spiritual orphan so that others may learn, grow and hopefully heal from the words of my heart.

God Bless,
Etcetera

Loneliness of Spiritual Widows

How does one fully explain the loneliness that is felt by a Spiritual Widow?


Let me start by saying that it is not your standard form of loneliness. Most Spiritual Widows I have spoken to say it is difficult to discuss their feelings with those in the body of Christ, because those with "perfect" homes have no possible way of understanding the depth of their loneliness.


Many do not understand that the Spiritual Widow, whether the spouse is in the home or not, feel like they have been deserted. Not only are they missing out on the companionship once offered up freely by their spouse, but they also miss the companionship and fellowship that used to take place when she and her spouse were both active in the church. A Spiritual Widow will start to feel left out of "couples" programs because she is truly no longer a part of a couple due to the emotional and spiritual desertion, and sometimes physical desertion by the spouse.


Upon a husband withdrawing himself, the Spiritual Widow is instantly scrutinized and gossiping takes place. People will speculate as to why the head of the household is not coming to church. They will assume it is drugs, alcohol or even another woman (Jezebel) interfering with the relationship. Most will not reach out to the spiritual widow because they don't  want to deal with her pain, or the children's pain. Many do not want to look pain in the face and help them through the crisis or be a support system for those obviously in need.


It is often considered acceptable practice for a woman of the world to "move on" quickly if her "man" becomes physically, mentally or emotionally detached from her. Women and young girls are taught in society that "If he isn't doing right by you, than girl, you gotta do right by yourself." 


Women of  Christian faith, having virtue and honor, are not able to have this "freedom" as they know what God's word says and often find themselves on a very lonely journey down a road filled with many potholes,dark alleys, deep crevices and valley's so far into the darkness that she is not sure she will ever find her way back into the light.


Next time you hear of a Spiritual widow or know of one, I urge you to look into your heart and ask God what he wants you to do. You may be the only bit of hope she has left for feeling like she is not an outcast and ostracized from the body of Christ. WWJD?




Love in Christ always,
Akuas Keiki

My experiences as a Spiritual Orphan & Widow

Some may say that my calling myself a Spiritual Orphan or even a Spiritual Widow are not appropriate.


Here are some definitions to clarify my standing:


WIDOW:
a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried.
to deprive of anything cherished or needed
a woman often left alone because her husband devotes hisfree time to a hobby or sport (used in combination - golf widow)
a woman left alone because her husband devotes his free time to things that are not of God (Spiritual Widow)


ORPHAN:
a child who has lost both parents through death, or, less commonly, one parent.
a young animal that has been deserted by or has lost its mother
a person or thing that is without protective affiliation,sponsorship, etc.:
bereft (deprived:) of parents




My experiences as a Spiritual Orphan:



  • I grew up with a parent who was so focused on making sure my other parent was denied any access to me or the opportunity to be a part of my life, that they failed in showing me any sort of love,compassion, care or concern unless it was in front of others to make themselves look good
  • I grew up with a mother who was so focused on her hate that she didn't show me true and genuine love. She attempted to fill my head with lies.When I rebelled against those lies, I was beaten for it severely and sometimes denied basic needs to include a medicine that was vital to my overall health due to a congenital birth defect.
  • I grew up with someone who tried to be a father figure to me, but whenever he would come to my defense, he was quickly put in his place by my mother who controlled every aspect of every relationship around her, even if it was not her relationship to control
  • I was never really given a foundation about the truth of God's grace and love for us because it meant my mother would have to be stable in a church congregation, which would expose people to who she really was after any amount of time and then I would  have people who would want to protect me- this she could not and would not allow
  • Due to lack of contact and unresolved issues with my biological mother, my dad never really embraced the idea of going to church or developing a relationship with Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

My experiences as a Spiritual widow:

  • I married someone who was my best friend in life but not in faith
  • I married someone who was angry with God for the things that had happened in childhood and would not allow me to take our children to church
  • The marriage I had to my best friend fell apart and that caused me to doubt God
  • I was mistreated in 3 different church congregations after my divorce and it was implied that it was my fault for not being a Proverbs 31 woman
  • I was told I would never be good enough for any man to love, much less want to marry me (and I believed it)
  • I was told that I was not fulfilling my roles as a proper PV31 if I did not do things in accordance to what others thought I should be doing
  • I was led to believe that if I didn't act, say or do all the right things, that I would go to hell for not serving God by not being in servitude and submission to my spouse
  • I was misled in additional relationships that caused me to make choices that were not in accordance with God's will for my life
  • I avoided acknowledgement of God in any part of my life because I felt I couldn't trust men, which meant I couldn't trust God
  • I allowed myself to believe I had to put up with things that I shouldn't have to if I was ever going to be considered an acceptable subsequent wife as I failed the first time around
  • I found myself giving other women advise about their "Spiritually abusive" relationships without realizing I was also talking about my own relationship.
  • I found myself stuck in a rut that I couldn't find a way out of without subjecting myself to further abuse but knowing there was only one way out and that was sacrificing the children in the home who had become Spiritual Orphans

There is a lot more I could list here, however, I think this is enough to give a background and reasons as I why I know the experiences all too well that some of you currently walk. This is why I feel the title "Spiritual Widow" or "Spiritual Orphan" is an accurate description for those women and children within the body of  Christ who have been abandoned by their spouses, and parents who do not fulfill the roles they were given by God.

You have my prayers. 

Love in Christ always,
AkuasKeiki