No Mended Heart

There is such a big part of me that wants to hate you so much. Yet, there is a bigger part of me that cares about you too much. What is this feeling? I can't stand it, nothing makes sense any more. I want you to hold me and hold me close. I try to get your attention but you never seem to notice. I felt as if I needed your affections, to hear you say soothing words that things would be okay whispered in my ear.

So many times I wanted to shout to you and say, "Please stay with me! Don't leave my side: I can't stand to be without you! I need you by my side.....Please"

Then there is that part of me that cries, "Go, leave me. I can't stand you!" It's not you personally, but what you do! You drive me to the point of insanity! Why? Why do I care so much for you?! yet I just smile at you, and cry to myself late in the night.

Maybe it's your smile that draws me in, the smile that I could once trust. Perhaps it's the arms that I once thought could bring safety that I long to be held in again. Perhaps it's your charming personality that you display in front of most people?

No.

No, I know what it is. It's just you- because your personality is ever changing. I can't tell if I care about you or not. This is why it hurts. This is why my heart can never be mended.

Etcetera